A Mama's Gratitude for the Wonderful Web

Right now, this mama is very grateful for the internet, especially for the social media part. My sweet, wonderful son is about to take off on a grand adventure. In six days he will be boarding a plane and traveling across the wide ocean to spend his senior year of high school as a Rotary Youth Exchange student in . . . wait for it . . . Estonia. In case you don't know where that it (I didn't. I had to look at a map, so no shame.), I have put a picture here that will help you.

For the first month that he is there, he is not allowed to have any contact with his friends and family back home. That's right folks. My son is going away to a foreign country (albeit a wonderful and safe one), and I am not going to be able to hear from him for a month. I mean, I get it. They want him to acclimate. They want him to learn to depend on his host parents. But . . . dang.

What this means is, I am going to become a major lurker. I will be actively stalking my son on his Facebook page, his blog, and anywhere else I may be able to find traces of him in the Web 2.0 universe, and leaving no evidence that I have been there. 

I have warned my son of my lurking, and promised not to break the rules of contact, so it's all good. He has strict instructions on what information he needs to be sure to include on his Facebook posts and in his blogs. Its all about keeping the mama from tipping over into crazy. He knows. Right now, I am really grateful for this source of connection. 

I am in the dark place . . . :-(

I spent too much time on Facebook today, and now I am in the dark place. (aka: "People suck. The world is horrible. Why try? Etc.") It was an accident. I didn't mean to. I got sucked into a debate about current politics. Ugh. I'm usually pretty good about staying out of those kinds of messes, but once in a while I get sucked into the vortex of asynchronous, opinionated, unproductive, Web 2.0 debate.

So, for all of us out there who would like to be able to avoid the dark place more frequently, here are some tips for how to do so:


1) Strictly limit daily time on Facebook and the like. This is the simplest and surest safeguard of all. In my opinion, 30 minutes should be the max.

2) Resist the urge to have the last word.  We like to be right. It is a universal human condition. If you find yourself getting sucked into a debate that is going nowhere, acknowledge the desire to feel right and then let it go--just walk away from the "conversation." You're not likely to convince them and they aren't likely to convince you, and a whole lot of time and energy (and sanity) will be wasted.

3) Skip over the posts that you know will be triggers for you. Think of yourself like a fish, and those triggering posts like bait on a hook. Be a smart fish.

Hope this helps you. (And hope it helps me! 😆)

Time to Take it off the Feed: When Online Conversations Turn Sour

Social media can be such a wonderful and convenient way to connect with individuals who are distant from us, such as family and old friends. It can also be a way to get to know those with whom we may never make a connection at all, such as people who live in other countries or who come from very different walks of life. It can be a way to familiarize ourselves with the broad world--with other ways of thinking and doing.

On the other hand I have witnessed the equivalent of people screaming at each other on Facebook message feeds--just shooting insults and opinions back and forth. This kind of online communication creates rifts rather than connections. It erodes relationships rather than builds them.

The most important element of effective communication is conscious listening. True conscious listening encompasses much more than just attending to the words spoken by a person. To listen consciously and fully, we must also attend to a person's tone of voice, body language, phrasing, facial expressions, volume level, rate of speech, etc. Here is a wonderful talk by my friend Julian Treasure about conscious listening:





Click on this link:
Julian Treasure: 5 ways to listen better







So, when is it time to move an online conversation to longer personal messages, a phone call, or even an in-person conversation? Here are some helpful guidelines:

1) When the conversation starts to become heated. Emotion does not translate well in pure text. If emotions start to surface, it's time to move the conversation to an alternate venue. Pick up the phone. Use Skype. Or at the very least, switch to exchanging more lengthy personal messages or letters.

2) If continuing the conversation could compromise a person's privacy or safety. Posting details in a public forum of details such as where and when you are planning with friends is just not a good idea. Nor is revealing overly personal information about ourselves or others. When we get caught up in a back-and-forth on a post feed, we can sometimes forget that anyone can be "watching." (Remember there are plenty of folks out there who know how to slip through privacy settings.) We must be careful with the personal information that we post.

3) If the topic of the conversation is excessively complex. Trying to have overly complex conversations that are full of research, facts, opinions, and debate online can not only lead to miscommunication and conflict, it can eat up an enormous amount of time. Best to take these to a more appropriate venue. How about a video conference?

Please share any other guidelines you have for healthy feed posting in the comments below.

Happy posting!