Time to Take it off the Feed: When Online Conversations Turn Sour

Social media can be such a wonderful and convenient way to connect with individuals who are distant from us, such as family and old friends. It can also be a way to get to know those with whom we may never make a connection at all, such as people who live in other countries or who come from very different walks of life. It can be a way to familiarize ourselves with the broad world--with other ways of thinking and doing.

On the other hand I have witnessed the equivalent of people screaming at each other on Facebook message feeds--just shooting insults and opinions back and forth. This kind of online communication creates rifts rather than connections. It erodes relationships rather than builds them.

The most important element of effective communication is conscious listening. True conscious listening encompasses much more than just attending to the words spoken by a person. To listen consciously and fully, we must also attend to a person's tone of voice, body language, phrasing, facial expressions, volume level, rate of speech, etc. Here is a wonderful talk by my friend Julian Treasure about conscious listening:





Click on this link:
Julian Treasure: 5 ways to listen better







So, when is it time to move an online conversation to longer personal messages, a phone call, or even an in-person conversation? Here are some helpful guidelines:

1) When the conversation starts to become heated. Emotion does not translate well in pure text. If emotions start to surface, it's time to move the conversation to an alternate venue. Pick up the phone. Use Skype. Or at the very least, switch to exchanging more lengthy personal messages or letters.

2) If continuing the conversation could compromise a person's privacy or safety. Posting details in a public forum of details such as where and when you are planning with friends is just not a good idea. Nor is revealing overly personal information about ourselves or others. When we get caught up in a back-and-forth on a post feed, we can sometimes forget that anyone can be "watching." (Remember there are plenty of folks out there who know how to slip through privacy settings.) We must be careful with the personal information that we post.

3) If the topic of the conversation is excessively complex. Trying to have overly complex conversations that are full of research, facts, opinions, and debate online can not only lead to miscommunication and conflict, it can eat up an enormous amount of time. Best to take these to a more appropriate venue. How about a video conference?

Please share any other guidelines you have for healthy feed posting in the comments below.

Happy posting!