A Mama's Gratitude for the Wonderful Web

Right now, this mama is very grateful for the internet, especially for the social media part. My sweet, wonderful son is about to take off on a grand adventure. In six days he will be boarding a plane and traveling across the wide ocean to spend his senior year of high school as a Rotary Youth Exchange student in . . . wait for it . . . Estonia. In case you don't know where that it (I didn't. I had to look at a map, so no shame.), I have put a picture here that will help you.

For the first month that he is there, he is not allowed to have any contact with his friends and family back home. That's right folks. My son is going away to a foreign country (albeit a wonderful and safe one), and I am not going to be able to hear from him for a month. I mean, I get it. They want him to acclimate. They want him to learn to depend on his host parents. But . . . dang.

What this means is, I am going to become a major lurker. I will be actively stalking my son on his Facebook page, his blog, and anywhere else I may be able to find traces of him in the Web 2.0 universe, and leaving no evidence that I have been there. 

I have warned my son of my lurking, and promised not to break the rules of contact, so it's all good. He has strict instructions on what information he needs to be sure to include on his Facebook posts and in his blogs. Its all about keeping the mama from tipping over into crazy. He knows. Right now, I am really grateful for this source of connection. 

ITTT Automation and Mindfulness

This week for our Web 2.0 course we were given the task of exploring an online tool called If This Then That. By using this tool to its full potential, and in tandem with some equipment, it seems that you could automate almost your entire life, from doors locking behind as you leave the house, to house lights tuning to the appropriate mood according to the situation at hand, to any information you collect or create on any of your devices being automatically sent or uploaded to wherever it will need to go without you actually having to do it or even think about it. To make a broad generalization, it seems like if you pay attention to ITTT, you almost don't have to pay attention to anything else.

I had a rather fascinating emotional response as I viewed the instructional YouTube videos on this tool--a mixture of fascination, hope, and terror. Oh, how wonderful it would be not to have to worry about so many little details throughout the day. How much cognitive space could be opened up by relieving my brain of all that clutter? The prospect is intriguing. Yet my impression is that what it would take to implement this tool in my life would require quite a bit of doing. Talk about drinking from a fire hose! The possibilities for using and integrating ITTT are seemingly endless.

My main area of interest is mindful awareness, so of course I also found myself thinking about how a tool like ITTT relates to that. One of the cornerstones of mindfulness is the idea of having your attention rooted in the present moment--in all that you are experiencing--the sensations, the feelings, the sounds, tastes, and smells all around you, even what is happening in your own body. If I am not having to pay attention to locking my door before I leave, what I am doing with the lighting in my house, whether or not I have checked to see if I have any messages on my social media or my phone, how mindfully am I living, really?

I honestly don't have the answers here. I can see both sides. I can see the amazing benefits of automation--of tools like ITTT--that can free up mental space for us to be more creative and productive. I can also see how these tools of automation can disconnect us from our simple movement through our days, the little tasks strung one to the next, the movement of our bodies and our breaths.

I guess the only answer is in our choices--how we choose to maximize a tool like ITTT and how we choose to be mindful. Personally, I'm planning to use this one. It's just too cool!

Thoughts?

The Advantages of Asynchronous Communication

I know that I am not the only person in the Web 2.0 course who remembers a time without the internet, cell phones, texting, emailing, Facebook, Twitter, etc.--all the tools we use so frequently now to stay in contact with each other. Communication has opened up in many ways thanks to these new tools. It is much more often, though not always, asynchronous when done through Web 2.0 channels.

Although I have heard many people complain about asynchronous communication, and even say that it isn't "real" communication, I have to admit that I absolutely love it. I find it to be advantageous for many reasons. Here are some of the advantages that I have seen myself and heard from others:

1) "Conversations" can happen over a period of time in small bits, as it is convenient for the individuals.

2) We can initiate contact with a person without worrying that we will interrupt them. I know that most people get to their messaging and texting when it is convenient for them.

3) We can make good use of time in boring, useless meetings! Yes. I said it. You know you do it too. Hello, my name is Cathryn and I am an during-the-meeting-under-the-table intermittent texter.

4) We can take a lot more time think through responses. This can be been extremely helpful, especially in cases when we feel emotionally triggered, or need to carefully choose our words for any reason.

5) One of my favorites is being able to let our loved ones know we are thinking about them, send them well wishes or encouragement, at times when it might be impossible to call them. I quite enjoy being able to send love to my partner throughout the work day, and recently was very grateful to send encouragement to a dear friend right as she was heading in to a very difficult meeting.

I think in many ways the asynchronous communication that is afforded us thanks to these new technologies has enriched, broadened, and deepened our communication with each other. What are some examples from your own experience when asynchronous communicating has benefited you?

I am in the dark place . . . :-(

I spent too much time on Facebook today, and now I am in the dark place. (aka: "People suck. The world is horrible. Why try? Etc.") It was an accident. I didn't mean to. I got sucked into a debate about current politics. Ugh. I'm usually pretty good about staying out of those kinds of messes, but once in a while I get sucked into the vortex of asynchronous, opinionated, unproductive, Web 2.0 debate.

So, for all of us out there who would like to be able to avoid the dark place more frequently, here are some tips for how to do so:


1) Strictly limit daily time on Facebook and the like. This is the simplest and surest safeguard of all. In my opinion, 30 minutes should be the max.

2) Resist the urge to have the last word.  We like to be right. It is a universal human condition. If you find yourself getting sucked into a debate that is going nowhere, acknowledge the desire to feel right and then let it go--just walk away from the "conversation." You're not likely to convince them and they aren't likely to convince you, and a whole lot of time and energy (and sanity) will be wasted.

3) Skip over the posts that you know will be triggers for you. Think of yourself like a fish, and those triggering posts like bait on a hook. Be a smart fish.

Hope this helps you. (And hope it helps me! 😆)

The Changing Face of First Contact in Web 2.0

With the advent of Web 2.0, the very nature of how relationships can be initiated has been radically altered. Most people I know have some friends that they have never even met in person, myself included. Some relationships begin online and then shift to in-person relationships, sometimes even marriage.

What do you think about this evolution in how relationships can begin? Is this a good thing, or a bad thing?

What about online dating? Do you think this is a viable and reasonable way for individuals to meet and hopefully find long-lasting, loving relationships?

How about online counseling, support groups, therapeutic endeavors? Can these ever be successful in the context of online communication?

What are your thoughts and opinions concerning, and experiences with, online first contact?

Time to Take it off the Feed: When Online Conversations Turn Sour

Social media can be such a wonderful and convenient way to connect with individuals who are distant from us, such as family and old friends. It can also be a way to get to know those with whom we may never make a connection at all, such as people who live in other countries or who come from very different walks of life. It can be a way to familiarize ourselves with the broad world--with other ways of thinking and doing.

On the other hand I have witnessed the equivalent of people screaming at each other on Facebook message feeds--just shooting insults and opinions back and forth. This kind of online communication creates rifts rather than connections. It erodes relationships rather than builds them.

The most important element of effective communication is conscious listening. True conscious listening encompasses much more than just attending to the words spoken by a person. To listen consciously and fully, we must also attend to a person's tone of voice, body language, phrasing, facial expressions, volume level, rate of speech, etc. Here is a wonderful talk by my friend Julian Treasure about conscious listening:





Click on this link:
Julian Treasure: 5 ways to listen better







So, when is it time to move an online conversation to longer personal messages, a phone call, or even an in-person conversation? Here are some helpful guidelines:

1) When the conversation starts to become heated. Emotion does not translate well in pure text. If emotions start to surface, it's time to move the conversation to an alternate venue. Pick up the phone. Use Skype. Or at the very least, switch to exchanging more lengthy personal messages or letters.

2) If continuing the conversation could compromise a person's privacy or safety. Posting details in a public forum of details such as where and when you are planning with friends is just not a good idea. Nor is revealing overly personal information about ourselves or others. When we get caught up in a back-and-forth on a post feed, we can sometimes forget that anyone can be "watching." (Remember there are plenty of folks out there who know how to slip through privacy settings.) We must be careful with the personal information that we post.

3) If the topic of the conversation is excessively complex. Trying to have overly complex conversations that are full of research, facts, opinions, and debate online can not only lead to miscommunication and conflict, it can eat up an enormous amount of time. Best to take these to a more appropriate venue. How about a video conference?

Please share any other guidelines you have for healthy feed posting in the comments below.

Happy posting!

Unplugging and Recharging in Montana

View from the little "Claim Shack." My Montana home.

Every summer I have the remarkable fortune of spending several weeks in a remote area of Northwestern Montana. One of my dearest friends, Debo Powers, owns some precious acres just across the river from Glacier National Park. She lets me come and stay in her little "Claim Shack," the first structure that she build on the property. She lived in it herself for several years as she was building her main cabin.

View from one of our hikes.

This place is pure magic. The whole region is completely off-grid. There are no power lines, no sewer lines, almost no road noise, no stores or gas stations (except a couple of saloons and a little country mercantile), few people, no phone signals . . . and . . . no . . . internet!





One of the first things I notice when I arrive in Montana every summer is the deep silence. It is remarkable how much background noise there is in populated areas. I am so accustomed to it that I don't notice it until I get away from it. The silence and stillness is always a bit disconcerting at first, but after about a day or so, I settle comfortably into the natural environment that is ruled by the rhythms and sounds of the earth.

Glacier Lilies. They're edible, and yummy!

The people who live in this area have to go to rather extensive lengths, by our modern standards, to achieve regular internet connectivity. For most of the summers I have gone there, we haven't had much internet at all.

Another hike view. The pictures don't do it justice.

Being disconnected from technology for that extended period is quite an experience. Attention starts to turn outward to the present moment--the clouds, the breeze in the trees and grass, the birds and insects, the vibrant colors, the conversations of the people around me . . . when there are people around, the flavors of the food. Time slows down. I slow down. It is the most rejuvenating few weeks of my year. I return refreshed and more present and effective in every aspect of my life.

Bear Grass in bloom.

A lucky wolf sighting! Sweet and shy.

During that time in Montana, it is easy to unplug and recharge because it is imposed. I have often thought about how to create the same rejuvenating experience without having to go all the way across the country. Of course, there are some aspects of that time that cannot be recreated, but what about just separating from the buzz of the technology for a while?

Hike to a lookout.

Sometimes "getting away from it all" can be about just mentally separating ourselves from the outside world and turning inward to our own sensations--about becoming present. And we must realize that unplugging and recharging isn't a simple luxury. It is a necessity for our health, our happiness, and our well-being. I encourage everyone to give it a try. You won't be sorry.

Oh! And if you're ever in the neighborhood, make a stopover in magical Montana!